Ricky Martin Is Gay. The Obvious Column Gets Another Check.

Superstar latin singer and actor Ricky Martin came out on his website announcing his gayness to the world on Monday proclaiming that he is a "proud homosexual". Yes, it's true. Ricky Martin likes the man meat, the sausage, the beef cake....Seriously, Ricky Martin announcing he's gay is like President Obama annoucing he is black. Seriously? Really Ricky? Gay? You? Talk about obvious. If he was anymore of a flamer, he would spontaneously combust. Everyone knew he was gay and didn't treat him differently than anyone else except for the incessant "Are you gay" questions. When everyone knows you are gay and you deny it, it only invites further speculation. It's all so silly because people don't really give a rats ass if a celebrity is gay or not. They just want great performances from the celebrity idols. I am sure there will be a story coming out soon stating exactly why he decided to come out now after over a decade of speculation but the San Francisco Gate is reporting that the gay community  is rallying around Martin who on Tuesday tweeted, "I'm doing great! Stronger than ever! I'm here relaxing @ home enjoying ur messages! I feel the love! Thanx for all! Peace." With the "Stronger than ever!" comment you would think he was battling cancer. I had no idea that accouncing that you like cock could be so powerful. I don't hear ladies tweeting about how strong they feel after getting banged by some dude.

Now if Ryan Seacrest comes out and makes a similar announcement, I will be shocked...shocked...just shocked I tell you.

Below please find a photo of Ricky Martin (below left) all scantilly clad in a mankini  (aka banana hamock) with some buffed out similary dresssed dude in a mankini on a beach in an obviously gay photo before announcing he was gay.

Tiger Woods and Country Singer LeAnn Rimes Used To Date? US Weekly Says Yes!

Just when you thought you heard everything about Tiger Woods, Tiger used to date country superstar LeAnn Rimes back in 2002 according to US Weekly. Tiger loves them blondes. It is being reported that Tiger was really into LeAnn but LeAnn's father did not like the fact that Tiger was seven years older than she was (not that he was black - cough cough). What is interesting is that Tiger cheated on his wife Elin and LeAnne allegedly cheated on her husband with Eddie Cibrian during her shoot of the Lifetime movie Northern Lights last year and the two (LeAnn and Cibrian) are reportedly still together. Even more interesting is that while LeAnn is 27, Cibrian is 36 making it a nine year age difference which is bigger than LeAnn's  seven year age difference with Tiger. Haven' heard from dad on this one - yep - race was not a factor here. Oh no no no. Cough. Cough.

Other articles on this story: US Magazine and Celebuzz.com

Grace Park Is The Hottest Woman On The Planet

There is no story here. I justed wanted to say how freaking' hot Grace Park is. Every guy loves Asian chicks but she is the hottest of them of all. Park was one of the stars of Battlestar Gallactica and the main reason I tuned in every week. She played the role of Boomer. In the original tv series Battlestar Gallactica, Boomer was a dude but the geniuses behind the show's amazing reincarnation showed how smart they were by making Boomer a sexy-as-hell Asian chick who was in a lot of steamy sex scenes. Bravo!

Grace Park will now be gracing the tv screen this time in yet another tv series remake - Hawaii Five-O. If you cast Grace Park in any tv show or movie you are guaranteed to get a ton of dudes to watch it including me. This show could be the worst piece of shit  ever but if it has Grace Park in a bikini, I'm watching fo sho! Check out a pic from the set of her new series. Damn this woman is fine. Damn...Damn... Damn... I defy anyone to find a woman hotter than this.

Ok. So I just had to include more pics of Grace Park from her ubber hot Maxim photo shoot. That body is just freakin' unreal.

Oh Shizzle! Alleged THIRD Jesse James Mistress Comes Forward

 Well, a third allged Mistress of Jesse James comes forwad. When the skeltons start falling out of the closet for Jesse, it's like a freakin' graveyard! And that's a lot of skeletons.The shocker is...she is not all tatted up like the other two. TMZ is reporting that Brigitte Daguerre, an L.A. photographer, met Jesse because he hired her for styling work on a photo shoot for his shop West Coast Customs. Daguerre claims they had sex four times and has 195 text messages between them. What the hell is with all the texting? If you are married and cheating and very very famous why the hell do you want your affair documented in writing? Didn't you learn from Tiger Woods? You know sooner or later the "relationship" will end and those texts will go public or you will be blackmailed for major cash to keep them quiet. It's like all those stupid girls who send naked pics to their boyfriends or make sex tapes and then when they break up are surprised to see  images of their vajayjay all over the internet.

Just a thought here. Maybe Sandra Bullock should hand over her Best Actress Award over to Jesse James. That bastard ACTED like a faithful loving husband  for a long time but was cheating like freakin' crazy. By the way, what does this brunette vixen look like? See below.

Alleged Mistress Number 3 above follows alleged Mistress #2 below who claimes to have had a 2 year relationship with Jesse. Mistress #2, Melissa Smith, is a tatted up stripper like Mistress #1. Keep it classy Jesse. Just keep it classy. By the way, my money says that there are a lot more out there. It's going to be like when Tiger Woods' affairs hit the news, the mistresses just keep on coming out and cashing in.

Russians Using Hookers & Cocaine In Widespread Campaign Smears! Cool!

While Americans use slick campaign ads to poke at their political opposition using everything from their weight to legislative vote histories, the Russians are far more entertaining. The Daily Beast is reporting that Opposition Party opponents to Vladamir Putin and Dmitry Medvedev are allegedly being set up in on camera stings using hookers and cocaine. The latest "victim" was a journalist, Mikhail Fishman, the editor in chief of  the Russian edition of Newsweek,  who was caught on hidden camera video snorting a white powdery substance NAKED in the company of a woman (Katya Gerasimova, nicknamed Moomoo)  who was allegedly a model who was also allegedly an escort. Hookers, models and coke? These Russians know how to party! One man, opposition activist Ilya Yashin, admitted that he had recognized the apartment that Fishman was in and claimed he was lured there for a threesome by Katya, the woman in Fishman's video and another woman. When he arrived at the apartment he became alarmed when he was immediately pull toward a bed and  "Katya produced a whole pile of sex toys: dildos, whips, handcuffs, ball gags.” Yashin was then allegedly offered cocaine. Feeling this was a trap, Yashin claims he got dressed and bolted for the door. The Russians take their smear campaigns seriously. Several opposition members have also been videotaped trying to bribe local cops for traffic violations but who cares about that when stories of videotaped sessions with hookers and coke hit the presses.

Video seen here on Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/24/newsweek-russia-editor-ca_n_511714.html#postComment

I have not seen a set up this cool since The Globe published a story about ubber annoying and miss family values Kathy Lee Gifford's husband, football legend and sports commentator Frank Gifford,  allegedly caught on tape trying to have an affair with a flight attendant and asking for anal sex.
http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20122296,00.html

Sex Survey: Chicks Are As Horney As Dudes

The April 2010 issue of Maxim, the magnificent  masculine magazine memorializing all things manly just game out with an eye-popping sex survey which says your chick wants to jump you just as much as you want to jump her. Cool!

Here are some of the salacious survey's sensensational findings from women:

How many times a day do you think about sex?
* 38.2% said 2-5 times a day. (highest response)
* 26.8% said 6-10 times a day
* 15.4% said 11-20 times a day.
* 4% said 30+ times  a day. Holy horniness! Too bad one of them was your sister
Analysis: Women are as horney as hell. Maybe your manly junk hugging limegreen thong at the beach is not
such a bad idea afterall.

What is the quickest you've slept with a guy after meeting him?
* 25.6% said 1-5 hours! (highest response).
* 10.2% said less than one day
* 20% said one month.
* 18.2% said over 1 month. Billowing blue balls batman. That's a lot of dinners and movies before you
hook up with these chicks. Craiglist paid companions will be faster and cheaper.
Analysis: Either these chicks in general are meeting smooth guys or chicks are getting hornier by the day! By the time the ice melts in your empty glass at the bar, you could be banging a hot chick and not even paying for it!

Rate the importance of the following on a scale of 1, not at all, to 5, extremely:
Penis Size
* 5.4% Not at all important      (That's it?! Dude. Not good.)
* 38.9% Somewhat (highest response)
* 35.4% Important
* 15.8% Very Important
* 4.6% Extremely Important.
Analysis: Wow. Oprah lied her ass off. Size does matter. Start ordering those herbal pills and penis pumps asap dude! And start stuffing socks in your underwear immediately!

Ability to have sex several times in one night:
* 14.6% Not at all important.
* 29.0% Somewhat important (highest response)
* 24.9% Important
* 22.0% Very important
* 9.6%  Extremely important
Analysis: More than one time in a night? I gets mine and then I go to sleep. I better get off my couch and actually start jogging to build up some stamina because all the nymphos out there want you to bang like a porn star with a Viagra IV.

Muscle Tone/Fitness:
* 6.7% Not at all important
* 36.9% Somewhat imporant (highest response)
* 34.9% Important
* 16.8% Very
* 4.6% Extremely Important
Analysis: The women have spoken. Fuck personality and brains. They want big arms and 6-pack abs!

Job Income:
* 16.6% Not at all important
* 34.4% Somewhat important (highest response)
* 29.5% Important
* 14.8% Very important
* 4.6% Extremely imporant
Analysis: FICO scores beat SAT scores. Chicks want dudes with cash. Apparently dudes with Ferraris are sexier than dudes with Corollas. Who knew?

Which porn-style sex move is the biggest turnoff? (Check all that apply)
* 51.7% Slapping cock on various body parts
* 45.9% Coming on a girl's face
* 73.1% Coming on a girl's face without asking first
* 81.0% Attempting anal sex without asking first (highest response)
* 39.5% Clitoris spanking
Analysis: Holy shit! All those damn pornos you watch actually fuck up your sex life instead of improving it. But the guy always comes in a girls face and go for anal without asking first in the pornos. I will write Vivid Video a strongly worded letter asap.

Here are some other nice snippets of info from the Maxim Survey:
50.7% will Google-stalk a guy before a day so clean up your Facebook and Myspace pages. Your
drunken naked pics with farm animals may be funny to your buds but chicks may be slightly turned-off.
89.5% will give you a second chance at sex if the first encounter was little bit awkward. Even if you suck in the sack, a woman will generally give you another shot before you kicked to the curb. At least you will have had sex twice that year! Woo hoo!
76.4% of women will either tell their friends every last detail of their sexual encounter with your or only when you are good or bad. This means if you bang like a pornstar you will receive free good press and maybe even bang her friends. If Mr. Limpness falls short, you will be shamed to all the chicks so don't even think about going to that bar again. No wonder the same dudes bang all the chicks.
32.5% of chicks are willing to have sex on the first date with 7.5% maxing out on a blow job on a first date. I like those odds! Quick, pick up an issue of Cosmo and study it like it's a final exam.

What have we learned? Women are just as horny as dudes and will bang you fast but you have to be rich, have a big dick, bang all night and be in great shape. This explains why you are reading this blog right how instead of banging a hot chick. At least there is internet porn and your trusty right hand to keep you company and at least your hand is cheap and has never refused a night of hot bangins before. You may commence crying.

Having An Affair With A Married Man Cost Homewrecking Whore $9 million

CBS News reports on Anne Lundquist who had an affair with married Greensboro, North Carolina attorney Allan Shackleford. The attorney dumped his wife Cynthia Shackleford after starting the affair. Allan was allegedly giving Anne legal advice and it all started from there. Yet another lawyer screws a client - literally this time - Hardy har har har. Apparently, Cynthia was not too amused. She sued the homewrecking whore for "alienation of affection". In North Carolina, a spouse can sue over marital affairs and some 200 such court cases are filed under the law each year in the state. The jury agreed with Cynthia on her homewrecking claims and awarded her a whopping $9 million. Ouch! I am married and my wife can cheat on me all day long if I can get $9 million out of it. Now Allan and the homewrecking whore live together but there has got to be some resent now from the homewrecking whore towards Allan after that enormous judgement. Seriously, was the sex really worth it?

I am sure Ms. Anne Lundquist is recognizing that she just had some mighty expensive dick. I don't know what $9 million sex feels like but it has got to be good but then again, I don't believe any sex is worth $9 million. Even banging every Sports Illustrated swimsuit model EVER and every Victoria Secrets lingerie model EVER and every cheerleader in the NFL would be worth $9 million. Ok well....let me think about that one again. But banging some lawyer dude is a no brainer - That shit ain't worth it especially since the wife was 60 years old so he was probably around the same age. $9 million of wrinkly old saggy senior citizen sex. I just barfed on myself.

But if you still must have an affair with someone who is married, steer clear of these 7 states as reported by CNN as they still allow spouses to sue your ass if you have an affair with their spouse. Those states are Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakata and Utah. As laws may change, please consult your attorney before banging that married broad or her husband just may decide not to kick your ass in court instead of on the street and take every damn thing you have right down to your Twighlight movie action figure collection and Jonas Brothers CDs.

Another report on this story from the American Bar Association Journal

Say It Ain't So Jessie! Jessie James Apologizes to Wife Sandra Bullock And Kids

Well the entertainment rumor mill, gossip blogosphere and everywhere else was reporting that Jesse James allegedly had an 11 month affair on his wife Oscar winning actress Sandra Bullock with a heavily tatted up woman named Michelle "Bombshell" McGhee. I guess "Bombshell" describes what happens to your life if you fuck or engage in hot bangins with this bitch. I was really hoping this story was false because I personally think Jesse James is a cool guy who turned his life around and became a rich American success story about what happens when you work hard and put your heart and soul into what you do. His wife Sandra Bullock is easily the single coolest actress in Hollywood. To personally pick up a Razzie Award for worst actress on the same weekend when you win your Academy Award Best Actresss Award speaks of her coolness. Most Hollywood actresses would have simply blown off and/or talked trash about the Razzies. She's laid back and takes things in stride. She makes good movies and is just plain personable, the kind of woman that everyone loves.

Well TMZ, Radar Online, and others are reporting that today Jesse James issued a statement of apology to his kids and to his wife Sandra Bullock, who allegedly moved out of their house together this week. As reported by Radar Online, Jesse said, "It's because of my poor judgment that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way. This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them. I am truly very sorry for the grief I have caused them. I hope one day they can find it in their hearts to forgive me." Wow. Just fucking wow.

Jesse did go on to say that the "vast majority" of the allegations were "untrue and unfounded" but if so, what the fuck is he apologizing for if he did not engage in inappropriate behavior and against the marriage with his wife. To me this smacks of that intial bullshit statement that Tiger Woods made last December also apologizing to his family about "transgressions" before his whole fucking world blew up and was forced into hiding, sex addiction treatment and an eventual ego destroying tail-between-your-legs full blown and detailed apology on national tv. If Jesse did cheat, and it kinda sounds like he did, what a spectacular fuck up. Seriously, Sandra Bullock is flat-out gorgeous, one the sexiest, most talented and successful women in the entire entertainment industry and she is rich as shizzle to boot. If you cheat on a woman who has the looks and body of a Victoria Secrets model, the class of a member of royalty, a sense of humor like a comedian and has hundreds of millions of dollars in the bank like Sandra Bullock, you deserve for the Almighty himself to shoot a thunderbolt up your ass DAILY. Jesse will NEVER find another woman like Sandra Bullock EVER again. I don't know if he will have to buy a bowling ball sized diamond ring like Kobe Bryant did or go to some sex addiction treatment center like Tiger Woods or both but if I were him I would be hiring a consultant to advise on some serious and expensive ego-busting ass-kissing to his wife Sandra.

Just for the record, if you are going to cheat, why do all these famous dudes who can have anyone choose the skankiest women possible to cheat with. If the woman were a Victoria Secrets model or Sports Illustrated swimsuit model then I can kind of see it but when the alleged mistress looks like a human display for a tattoo convention and is ugly to boot, it is just sad. Seriously, how good could that pussy have been to risk Sandra and her fortune? Did sparks shoot out of ass? Did that poon tang transport your dick to the land of jizz and honey? I would seriously like to know how I can get my hand on some risk-everything-you-have-because-the-pussy-is-that-good pussy. I know I could not afford it like Jesse or Tiger but maybe I can lease it or maybe put it on lay-away or something.

Oh well. I hope Jesse and Sandra work out everything. If not, there will be an army of dudes waiting to take over your place with Sandra my man.

Pakistanis Are In Love With Hitler & Nazis? Yes, They Are!

I came across this story in Der Siegel which chronicles the embarrassment that many Germans feel in Pakistan because the citizens still identify Germans with Hitler and the Nazi Party and apparently the Pakistanis love Hitler and Nazis. The author of the story tells how he went in for a haircut and was not satisfied. He complained to the barber that the cut made him look like Hitler and the barber reportedly responded "Yes, yes. Very nice." Apprently there is a good deal of anti-semetism at play and believe it or not many Pakistanis view themselves as aryans as offspring of the Indo-Germanic race. Even Hitler's seminal book on racism Mein Kampf, is widely available nationwide and even in small villages. Hitler also gets mad props from the Pakinistanis for fighting the British and the Americans. Swastikas can be found everywhere. Although the swastika symbol for Hindus is a religious symbol of good luck, the swastika is often directly associated with Hitler and Nazis in a positive way in admiration. As the author cited seeing a Mercedes with a family of seven inside with a bumper sticker on the car that said "I like Nazi." No mention by the Pakistani's of concentration camps, mass murder of women and childen, gruesome medical experiments and such. But I guess ignorance is bliss.

You just can't make this shizzle up. A picture of the Hindu religious symbol of Peace below. Look familiar? The kid in the pic seems to be quite fascinated with all of this.

Prison Inmate Is Sexing Up Female Prison Guards & They're Paying Him!

If you are not getting much sex guys, I am about to make you feel like a big pile of shizzle. Why? The Smoking Gun reports that 36 year old Michael Murphy, an inmate in Montana serving a 25 year stretch, is getting more sex than you!! Usually, inmates having sex is not a good thing as it usually means having sex with other prison dudes or being raped by them, but Murphy is having sex with chicks - guard chicks and even a pyschotherapist chick at the prison. He's hooked up or had sexual relations or hot bangins as I call them with 5 different women while being locked up behind bars. So if he can bang chicks behind bars, just imagine how much wool you could pull in your parent's basement dude. All this came up during a prison investigation of the prison staff  but not him. Apparently, under Montana law, inmates cannot legally consent to sex just like minors can't legally consent to sex or hot bangins. Wow, so they are investigating the femals guards and staff for molesting him??!!!! WTF!! One prison guard admitted writing the following to Murphy, "I couldn't wait to screw him, fuck him, ride his dick." Daaaammnn! Others wrote that they loved him and the married prison therapist (not married to Murphy) admitted to mutual oral sex with Murphy in her office and giving him $400. He gets a blow job and cash? Top that bitches! Who the fuck says crime don't pay?

So what does this sophisticated shag king of the cage look like? Peep him below. Just don't stare too deeply into his romantic eyes otherwise you too will be slurping his snake in no time.

So what have we learned? Even a dude behind bars can get more ass than you and yes, crime can pay.

More Walmart Racism: Black Barbies At Half Price Of White Barbies

Walmart is  being blasted all over the news today for announcement over a New Jersey Walmat storey PA system telling all black customers to leave. Now I don't think Walmart is racist. They draw some crazy ass people to work and shop there. When you have that many stores and that many employees, someone somewhere is bound to do some stupid shizzle. However, you really don't hear all this crazy racist shizzle going on  atTarget and Macy's. What's the latest alleged racism at Walmart? A Walmart in Louisiana allegedly marked down black Barbies to almost half price as white Barbies. Daaaaamnnnn!! Oh Shizzle!

I thought racial views had improved under President Obama but it looks like things have gotten worse. Heck, even back in 1787 at the Philadelphia Convention, the Founding Fathers decided to at least give black slaves 3/5ths of a vote. That's a 40% markdown of a vote. Walmart priced white Barbies at $5.93 and the black Barbies at $3.00 represents a 49.5% markdown. Come on Walmart. The Founding Fathers in 1787 valued black slaves more than Walmart values black people today. Dammn!!!  The Huffington Post reports that Walmart's defense was that the tags were marked as clearance in preparation for new stock and the video linked on the site says that since fewer people were buying the product, it was marked down. This is troubling. Black women complain that black men tend to choose other races for dating and marriage and now even black families are not buying black female dolls. Ooohhh, it's tough to be a black woman this days.

New Jersey Walmart Tells Blacks To Get The Fuck Out

Not only are low priced items flying out the door but so are black people. According to reports, Walmart allegedly got straight up KKK gangsta when a South New Jersey PA announcement rang out throughout the store for all black people to get the fuck out. Well they didn't exactly use the F-word but this announcement was made: "Attention Wal-Mart customers: All black people leave the store now." Daaamnnn!!!! Walmart is partying like its 1959. Walmart officials are reviewing surveillance tapes to see who the klan-like klandestine kulprit is who made the announcement and the koppers are investigating it as a possible hate krime. The sad thing is that the ploy to rid Walmart of blacks actually worked. As reported by an NBC Affilliate in Philadelphia, at least two black shoppers said they would boykott the store and not be back because they were so insulted. These women lack knowledge of civil rights history. When Rosa Parks was asked to get to the back of the bus, she basically said fuck you and sat up front. These women should not only kontinue shopping at Walmart but tell every black relative and friend they have to shop there. Me and my friends would dress all gangta and make the whole damn Walmart look like someone was shooting a bad hip-hop gangsta rap video and send the klanners screaming and running back  to the hills of Kentucky.

Manny Pacquiao Fights Joshua Clottey Tonight At Cowboys Stadium

Oh shizzle! It's on baby. Boxing superstar and future hall of famer and pound-for-pound best boxer in the world Manny Pacquiao (50-3-2, 38 KO's) of the Phillipines fights super talent Joshua Clottey (35-3, 20 KO's) of Ghana. The only boxer in the world who has chance at beating Pacquiao in the welterweight class is superstar Floyd Mayweather and their fight fell through over a failure to agree on drug testing for the fight. Clottey, while talented, will get beatdown like the rest except his asskicking will take place in front of a massive sell-out crowd of 45,000 at Cowboys Stadium. Clottey had a split decision loss to Miguel Cotto but Pacquiao had a TKO win over Cotto in an absolutely brutal beatdown. Cotto's face looked like he  had been attacked by a gang instead of merely fighting one dude. Pacquiao is just too strong and too fast for Clottey and for anyone else in the world for that matter except for Mayweather. I predict a Pacquiao knockout. If you want to see this one, you will have to pony up some bucks as it is only on HBO pay-per-view.

                             

By the way this is how the face of Manny Pacquiao's last opponent Miguel Cotto looked like. I would not want to be Joshua Clottey tonight but then again I would be willing to get my ass kicked by anyone on the planet for a multi-million dollar payday.

Dumbass Award: Man Shows Up Drunk At DUI Sentencing Hearing

Jason Botos of Papillion, Nebraska wins the Dumbass of the Day Award. Why? Botos showed up at his DUI sentencing hearing with a .43 blood alcohol level. That's over 5 times the legal limit.  According to the all-knowing website Wikipedia, anything over .40 is actually considered lethal!!! After an original arrest for a DUI where Botos jumped a curb and hit five vehicles and critically injuring three people, he was scheduled to be sentenced back in September of 2009 and already had a drunk driving conviction on his record before that. When he failed to show up for the September 2009 hearing an arrest warrant was issued. This time Botos' father drove him to the courthouse this week to finally be sentenced. Unfortunately, he showed up so drunk that the dad had to ask Sheriff's deputies to help Botos inside the courthouse because Botos was not able to walk under his own  power. Daaaammm!!! Me thinks someone has a wee bit of a drinkin' problem. Seriously, how do you show up to a court hearing drunk? And court hearings are in the day no later than early afternoon so to drink that much so early is like wow. Well the judge ordered Botos to jail but when he blew a .43, he was taken to the hospital to be checked out and then back to the jail. Now sentencing was delayed again. This time he has even more charges to answer for and is reported to be looking at 18 months in jail. I think Dr. Drew should showhorn this dude into next season's show.

News Links: http://www.ketv.com/news/22816836/detail.html and http://www.ketv.com/news/20993134/detail.html

World's Biggest Penis Belongs To Jonah Falcon. Congrats Jonah!

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Sean Penn Is The Biggest Douchebag In Hollywood

Why is it that some of the most talented people in the entertainment business are also the biggest douchebags? Sean Penn could not stand that similarly talented Kanye West took the prize as the biggest douchebag in the entertainment industry, Sean Penn assertede his claim on the title and emerges victorious.

Sean Penn has solidified himself as the biggest douchebag in Hollywood and that is a quite an accomplishement. There are many reasons to hate Sean Penn but this weekend, he set the bar just that much higher for the gold standard in douchebagery. When appearing on CBS's "Sunday Morning" this weekend and was asked his response on all those legitimate questions about his motives for his work in Haiti, Penn stated "Do I hope that those people die screaming of rectal cancer? Yeah."  This asswipe goes around with a camera crew for everything he does. During Katrina aftermath, he was rowing around in a dingy followed by a big camera crew. Meanwhile rapper Lil' Wayne had no cameras on him and cared more about helping than publicity. Lil' Wayne quietly donated huge bucks for food and personally funded housing for those displaced by the hurricane. See the difference? Real (Lil' Wayne) vs. fake ass bitch (Penn).

And if that wasn't reason enough to stick more pins in your Sean Penn voodoo doll, Fox News Reports that Penn stated on HBO's "Real Time With Bill Maher", that anyone who calls Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez a dictator should be imprisoned. "Every day, this elected leader is called a dictator here, and we just accept it, and accept it" said Penn, winner of two Best Actor Academy Awards. "And this is mainstream media, who should -- truly, there should be a bar by which one goes to prison for these kinds of lies." So much for freedom of speech. Hugo Chavez has been accused of using hit squads to quell opposition and rigging elections. His own election officials certified a national referendum to abolish term limits so now Chavez will rule for as long as he likes just like Fidel Castro in Cuba. Penn needs to wake the fuck up. This douche railed on George Bush all the time. Imagine if Bush wanted every Hollywood liberal phoney jailed for speaking out against him, Penn would be dodging prison rape right now instead of hamming it up at Sunday talk shows.

So what have we learned? Sean Penn is the biggest douche hypocrite in the entertainment industry who has no appreciation for First Amendment rights unless he is personally exercising such rights. And, Mr. Humanitarian thinks people who criticize him should die of rectal cancer and people who call dictators dictator should be imprisoned. Wow just wow.

Week 2 of Maxim's Hometown Hotties Polling Is On!

Ok, I love the annual Maxim Hometown Hotties competition where ordinary peons like myself get to judge women who most of us would never have a chance in hell with unless we were insanely good looking, rich, famous, rich or just really fucking rich. The hottest girls never win but that's not the point. The point is to simply oggle America's hottest chicks who are desperate for confirmation that they are really fuckig hot. It's American Idol except with way hotter chicks or obviously gay guys pretending to be straight then coming out as gay as soon as they win. No, what we have hear are hot chicks with huge tits and very little clothing and even more huge tits. It's pure. It's simple. It's delicious awesomeness rolled up in a hot bed of insane goodness. Join the voting now and reject the uglies who are merely a 9.0 on a scale of 1-10 and confirm to the "10" that yes she is as hot as she has been told since she was in diapers. This is a weekly vote so each week there is a whole new set of ridiculously hot half naked women to vote on. It's a tough job but somebody's got to do it.

Vote Now: Click Here To Begin Your Hometown Hottie Voting

Obama's Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel Gets Naked For Obama's Budget

Oh shizzle! You just can't make this stuff up. Real Clear Politics (story with video) reports that Democrat Congressman Eric Massa is alleging that President Obama's White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel was naked and and barged in on Massa's shower at the Congressional Gym yelling at him about the budget. In Massa's own words of how it all went down, "I am showering, naked as a jaybird, and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me."


WTF!!!! Memo to Obama, reign in your dogs. I don't care what the issue is, if you send in naked dudes to convince me to support you on an issue, I am going to vote the opposite way out  of pure spite. I don't care if you were giving away coupons for free hookers and coke at Walmart, I wouldn't take you up on it.  Obama has no clue of how Washington runs. Seriously dude, if you want legislative support, send in naked chicks NOT naked dudes. Consult Bill Clinton or Elliot Spitzer next time. They will give you the 411.
 
Apparently and quite understandably, Massa was pissed the fuck off about his alleged encounter with the naked intruder and had more words to say, "Rahm Emanuel is son of the devil's spawn. He is an individual who would sell his mother to get a vote. He would strap his children to the front end of a steam locomotive." Daaaammmnnn!! Dems fightin' words. Time to break out the dueling swords and not the ones you're swinging in the showers gents.
 
 

Jimmy Kimmel's Handsome Men's Club Sketch Is Brilliant

"I had your back you punk ass bitch!" - Lenny Kravitz to Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel's Handsome Men's Club sketch is absolutely brilliant and is definitely one of the funniest sketches ever on any show. Get inside the secret Hollywood club of the best looking men in showbiz. This stuff rivals the best of Dave Chappelle and that says a lot. Major effort to get Matthew McConaughey, Lenny Kravitz, Rob Lowe, Josh Hartnet, Patrick Dempsey, Tony Romo, Taye Diggs, Keith Urban, Gilles Marini, Jon Krasinksi, Sting, Ted Danson, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and Jennifer Gardner all in one sketch. Never seen that much star power in any sketch anywhere and it is hilarious. Brad Pitt wasn't in it. I guess he was out adopting yet another kid from Haiti or Zimbwabwe or something and couldn't make the taping.

Check it out the video: Jimmy Kimmel's Handsome Men's Club Sketch

Congrats To Sandra Bullock On Her Best Actress Oscar Win

Mad props to actress and producer Sandra Bullock for pulling down the Best Actress win for "The Blind Side" at this year's Oscar ceremonies. I don't think the public gave a rats ass about anyone else winning except for her and Monique. Also noteworthy is her Razzies Award for Worst Actress this year for her work in "All About Steve". What is amazing is that Sandra Bullock actually showed up in person to receive her Razzie Award for Worst Actress the night before picking up her Oscar. The fact that she did that gives her crazy cool points in my book. But no one will care about the  Razzie because an Oscar shuts up all the mad haters. She's got the Oscar now and the 8 figure paychecks so take that bitches. To think that Bullock would unpredictably go  from playing a role in that suck ass movie "Demolition Man" along with Wesley Snipes and Syllvestor Stallone to this career Oscar winning victory tonight impresses the hell out of me. Mad props to her husband Jesse James! His wife is smoking hot, actually has a great personality and is one of the highest paid multimillionaire actresses in the entire entertainment business. Score! Long journey away from being married to that crazy ass tatted-up porn star. Seriously, could you imagine surfing the internet for porn and having to watch videos of like a 100 dudes banging your wife? He probably got so mad at himself for marrying her that he probably wanted to weld his dick to one of those West Coast Choppers  motorcycle frames.

NFL Steeler Quaterback Ben Roethelisberger Accused of Rape

TMZ  (TMZ report) is reporting that Superstar Superbowl winning quarterback Ben Roethelisberger is being accused of rape by a woman allegedly taking place in a women's bathroom in a club called Capital City in Milledgeville, Georgia. Apparently he had been barhopping but all reports so far is that he seemed fine and friendly with everyone. As of now, Roethelisberger has not been charged with any crime. Of note, TMZ is also reporting that Roethelisberger is being sued by a woman in Reno who alleges that he assaulted her in 2008.

Either this guys is a scumbag rapist or he really has been in the wrong place at the wrong time too many damned times. I would have a team of bodyguards and a privately hired Nun (for credibility) who carried around camcorders filming every second of where I went 24/7 including the bathroom (as the alleged rape occured in a bathroom). Any sexual activity would have to take place on camera, with signed and notarized sexual consent release forms, in front  of a group of police officers taking notes as I bang myself into another night of drunken sexual glory.

11 Year Old Buys $44 Million In Real Estate In 2 Weeks!!

While your average 11 year old in America is playing Playstation all day, begging for allowance increases and sexting their friends, 11 year old Heydar Aliyev of Azerbajian, just bought four mansions on  ritzy Palm Jumeirah in Dubai for a staggering price tag of $44 million. His neighbors will be European soccer stars like David Beckham, Russian oil moguls, and Hollywood stars. Mind you his dad is a state official who only makes $228,000 a year but I don't care how he got the loot. I just want in!   By the way, this may be my last post as I am seriously considering moving to Azerbajian and weasling my way into this kid's life and geting a lucrative staff position with him. We can buy Rolls Royces and pick up hot ass burka bitches and party like it's 1306.

I was watching one of those bratty MTV Super Sweet 16 shows recently and Diddy's kid got a cheap $360,0000 Mayback for his 16th birthday (story). His son is living on welfare in comparison to this Azerbajian kid. Take that Diddy! The bar has been raised. Step up yo game if you want to floss like a playa.

Click on this link to the Washington Post story

Male Nudist & Epic Douchebag Levi Johnston Owes Britol Palin More Cash

TMZ is reporting that Playgirl nude model and legendary douchebag and underage girl banger Levi Johnston must pay $21,561.12 in back child support to Bristol Palin, daughter of moose shooting hockey mom and Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin. Lesson to guys out there. Don't get an underage girl pregnant if you don't have a job, a future, class or a brain cell in your skull. Three thoughts for young Johnston: 1)  I think Playgirl caters more to gay dudes than chicks so know your target audience unless that is what you are going for and 2) You can't make a living out of posing nude (Nude Johnston Dude) and slamming the Palin family forever. They are the family of your baby moma so learn to love them. Besides, Sarah Palin seems like one tough chick and she loves to hunt. She may just claim that she thought you were a naked moose who barged into her daughter's bedroom and bust a cap in your ass; and 3) if you are going to pose nude (and you should not ever do that) work on your lower abs and try to look a little less gay (although there is nothing wrong with that) when looking at the camera. Oh shizzle! Just caught myself critiquing a naked dude's body. WTF! Well as long as I am going there, work on your bicepts, tricepts, pecs and thighs too - basically every bodypart in the photo.

World's Largest Breasts Belong To Norma Stitz. Congrats Norma!

Sure some women win international acclaim like Mother Teresa who won acclaim and a Nobel Peace Prize for spending decades helping the poor or Sally Ride for being the first woman in space, we find that women having huge tits deserve equal acclaim. And who has the biggest, hugest and most deliciously freakish gargantuan tits on the planet you ask? Oh Shizzle! has learned that that such a badge of honor belongs to one Norma Stiz of Atlanta, Georgia. With 67 inch breasts that each weigh 40 pounds, the Guiness Book of World Records officially announced Norma Stitz as the woman with the largest natural boobs in the world. Her bra size is triple W! So much gargantuan goodness. How do you motorboat boobs that big?!This woman puts Pamela Anderson on the Itty Bitty Tittie Committee by comparison. Each boob looks as big as those asteroids that were destroying New York in the Bruce Willis movie "Armageddon." If she ever hooks up with you, don't sleep over. She just might roll over and accidentally sufficate you to death. But at least you will have a good story at the Pearly Gates on how you got there. I just hope she does something positive with those boobs. As Batman once said, "With great boobs come great responsibility." Ok, Batman didn't say that but he should have. I don't think Batman cares about boobs because he runs around a cave all day with a young boy named Robin.  One last note. If you forget her name, just remember to add an "S" to "Tits" and you are close to her last name Stitz. Word association got me through college.

The King Kong of Tits Hits Jenny Jones - Smack in the face!

Norma Stitz Photo From "The Jenny Jones Show".