After scouring the internet and books the world over, I have finally found the two most definitive lists to rise to power and be the person you have always wanted to be, the person you deserve to be. If you follow these lists, your global dominance begins now!
If you want to rise to power, you must be cool. See the definitive cool list below:
Once you have master the art of cool, you must acquire the elements of power to make sure you are on the right path to power and to make sure you are both nutritionally and sexually satisfied. Your definitive list here:
There you have it folks. If you follow these simple lists I am sure you will get your party's endorsement to run against Barack Obama in the 2012 elections. Good luck!
Well this fits into the "Now I've Seen Everything" category. Four people, two men and two women, traveled the London subway system known as the London Underground completely nude (well except for shoes) to promote a new English television series called "The Naked Office". It's about staff at struggling businesses trying to turn their company around much to the shock and amazement of local commuters. I get the "naked" part of the promotion but they are nowhere near the "office" but I like their enthusiam and I respect it. I think the lazy American network public relations executives need to get off their collective asses and follow the English model. The English outlawed slavery 100 years before America did and now they are leading the way on using nudity to promote a TV series. Come America. Quit slacking!
The look on the woman on the right in the first pic below is priceless. The fake "+2's" on the hot naked woman at the top left is also priceless. Damn she is hot!
Seeing two hot naked blondes boarding a subway never happens to me. Even though the chick on the right needs to tightening up those thighs it is still cool to see naked blondes.
Doesn't London have cops on their subway system? How in the hell did they get away with this?
This campaign effort could have been improved by leaving out the naked dudes and bringing in more chicks.
I think it is so funny that all these pageant contests try to make their contest winners out to be so damn wholesome then you find out they have this wild past that no one knew about except all the dudes they banged, drank with and did drugs with at local nightclubs and bars. Well scandal has once again reared its glorious head again in connection with a beautity contest. The insanely beautiful Rima Fakih of Michigan was crowned Miss USA last night and became the first immigrant, the first Muslim-American and the first Arab American to win the title. The 23 year old stunner is also the first Miss USA to have won a stripper contest! Nice!
TMZ has been all over this story so it won't go away until it is announced that Miss Fakih will lose the crown or pagent officials, i.e. Donald Trump, decides she can keep it. Detroit radio station WQKI held a 2007 "Stripper 101" pole dancing contest and Miss USA Rima Fakih emerged victorious. When it comes to sex appeal this woman has got it down pat. Well at least we know she will have a promising career on the stripping circuit when she eventually has to give the crown up by either serving the 1 year tour of duty "under" Mr. Trump or having to give it up early (the title that is). Hey, star strippers on the pole tour can earn $10,000 a week and she would have an easy 6-figure Playboy payday assignment in any event so there is not real downside for Ms. Fakih even if she gets the boot.
Check out the wonderful pics of our new Miss USA winner below!
Look at how wholesome and beautiful she looks with new boss Donald Trump. Ahhhhhh!!!!
Good lord this woman has a bangin' ass body. Not an ounce of fat on that gloriously carved frame. But still manages to look ever so wholesome.
WTF!!! Oh snap! Our girl Miss USA is on the get down! Stripper shoes on - check. Legs spead wiiiide open - check. Straight up moving like a hoe - check. No wonder she won this pole dancing contest. I am just surprised she is not shooting ping pong balls out of her vajayjay.
Miss USA Rima Fakih is getting down! I thought Muslim women were supposed to be all demure and shit. If this is the way the modern Muslim woman behaves all I have to say is - Book me a plane to Iran asap!!! Brings on the burka bitches!
Our victorious pole dancing champ emerges victorious with the win and a bra stuffed full of cash! Nothin' says class better than having money coming out of your tits. What is she holding? All I can tell is that it has an image of a woman on a pole on it. Was that the trophy? Anyway, you go girl! Something tells me we just might be seeing this hottie in the Craigslist adult section very soon.
I have to admit that I am absolutely fascinated with a reality star for the first time and its Alexis Neiers of the E! Entertainment Network's "Pretty Wild." I am fascinated that a hot sexy young woman who grows up in an affluent home with every possible advantage in life somehow fucks it all up for no good reason and I find it even sexier that she gets naked in every episode of her show. This week the 18 year old reality tv star was convicted in connection with the burglary of Pirates of the Carribean Star Orlando Bloom's home. Alexis was given 6 months in jail and 3 years probation. The title of the Alexis show on the E! Entertainment Network "Pretty Wild" appropriately describes the behavior of its star. The parents of Alexis must be proud that their underage daughter is partying at 21 and over nightclubs and dating dudes way older than her and burglarizing the homes of movie stars.
So given all of this it would not surprise anyone if the young girl with the "pretty wild" behavior was using drugs. Now I am not saying she uses drugs at all but the very cool internet website TheDirty.com is posting pictures of Alexis and her sister Tess Taylor in activity that may appear to be drug use but we don't actually know if she was doing anything illegal or immoral or if indeed this are real pics of the convicted Alexis Neiers and her playboy model sister Tess Taylor but the pics make great conversation and look pretty much identical to the images of Alexis and her sister but who knows the truth in the age of Photoshop. The pictures below are from TheDirty.com website. Judge for yourself.
This pic appears to look like a topless Tess Taylor in what appears to be the lighting of a bong. But who knows who this really is (even though you can can see what appears to be Tess' trademark cross tattoo on her hip) or what activity this really is. You be the judge.
The pic immediately above appears to be two people who look EXACTLY like Alexis Neiers and Tess Taylor in what may apear to be the lighting of bongs. But who knows what we are looking at, right? Again you be the judge.
Just had to post the Worst Love Letter Ever Written. For all you love addicts out there, this one's for you! As a side note, this Julie chick sounds like quite the catch. I wonder how this douchebag ever hooked up with her.
_______________________________________________
Dear, Julie
Fuck, I fucking miss you. I miss you like the rain misses some kind of…fucking…I don’t know…some kind of fucking thing that misses another thing. And that first thing misses that second thing, like, really fucking bad and shit. I am that first thing. You are the second one of those two things. I think the first thing was rain.
Sometimes, at night, I wake up and I’m all like “FUUUUUCCK!!!!” because you’re not here with me. I mean, shit, you know? Like, the last time we hung out together and I got to batter your snatch with my nut-splatters. I just keep thinking about that and how we were fucking so hard and shit. You were all like, “Oh Oh Fuck me!” and I was all like, “Yeeeeeeeeaaaah!” That shit was dope. Word. Best Believe!
But what’s fucked up about that shit is that whenever I think about it, I get all, like, hurtful and shit. Like my heart, you know? Like my heart gets all gay and shit and it breaks. Can you believe that shit? See what you did to me, you bitch? You made me a fag and shit!! LOL!
But, nah. For real. Like, it’s weird, you know? I remember waaaay back when we were just like, kids and shit, remember? We used to just play and frolic in the neighborhood with the other, much more faggy children. They all sucked. But one thing I clearly remember from that time is that you did not suck. Your Suck to Not Suck ratios were clearly leaning in the direction of Not Suck. This is, as usual, assuming that I am using the word “ratio” properly. Also, “properly.” I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s a word that I didn’t just make up. If I did, spread that shit around and tell people it came from me.
But, yeah. We used to just be kids as we hung out together. We’d play on the monkey bars down the street at Cherry Park. We’d run after the ice cream man as his chiming melody triggered a pav…pav…Pavolovian (?) response in us that made us crave the tastiness of Mickey Mouse’s severed head on a stick. We used to pass funny notes to each other in Mrs. Hill’s class. Remember? Remember all that shit?
We were so sweet and innocent back then.
I have since seen you swallow every last drop of my cum and, literally, ask for more. Fuck, bro. I fucking love that shit. And I fucking love you for doing it.
Yes, that’s right, Julie. I said it. Not only do I love that you are totally willing to ingest every last drop of my seed and then put in a request for more, but I love you as well.
I Love You, Julie.
I love your hair. I love your eyes. I love the way your ass jiggles when you walk to the bathroom to douche your pussy after we bang like two enraged beavers fighting over a stick that we both want to use in the construction of our respective dams. Any one of those traits by themselves could get me harder than Wolverine’s adamantium-laced bones. Put them all together and my balls want to explode whenever you come in to the room. That shit is crazy. No lie. And I have no reason to lie when it comes to the matters of my cock expanding faster than the universe. And I mean that literally…well, not the expanding faster than the universe part. I have no way in telling if that is, in fact, a factual statement. I failed Astronomy twice yet I only remember taking it once. Anyway, I was being literal in the sense that you can literally tell that I am not lying when I say that I find you sexy because the proof is in the pudding. The pudding is my dick. And it gets fucking huge when I see you.
Also, I did not mean to imply that my dick may in anyway be made of pudding. That would be weird. Although, I would not object to you nicknaming my dick “The Butterscotch Stallion,” for it both gives you the sinful pleasures that you need; and it is kind of a dark, mucous-y yellow. Which, by the way, I am very happy you are not weirded out by. Most are.
Which brings me to the next reason for why I love you: you accept me for who I am. You understand that I’m not the sharpest tool in the place that the tools are kept until you need to use the tools again. You can look beyond my spiky hair, and sunglasses that I refuse to take off, and my totally sweet Ed Hardy T-shirt and just see a guy that wants to be held to the bosom of a lovely young lass that works at a totally rockin’ strip joint that paid to have her bosoms made in to Double-D bosoms, because (in her boss’s words) “You’ve got the face of an angel, but the tits of a malnourished baby.”
You accept that I’ve been unemployed for roughly 2 years. You accept that before there was a You and Me there was a Me and Your Sister, and before that a Me and Your Cousin Liza, and, for one night, there was a Me and Your Cousin Liza and somebody that may or may not have been a member of your family that is now dead from a disease that I was kind of worried that I contracted. (Don’t worry. I didn’t contract it. I found out the day after you and I fucked for the first time).
The point of all of this is simple, Julie. I love you. I really do. I may not be the best guy you can get, and I probably shouldn’t even be the guy you have right now, but I love you for that very reason. You captured my heart and mind at a time in my life when I truly felt no one would ever want me – a time when I figured that I would never find somebody to even give me the time of day. Being apart from you right now is killing me and I can’t wait until you return so I can hold you in my arms and just stare in to your eyes again. I can’t wait for that day, Julie. I can’t fucking wait.
XOXO
P.S. – Your butt; is that a hole you be interested in me jizzing inside of?
E! Entertainment "Pretty Wild" reality TV star Alexis Neiers pleads no contest to breaking into Pirates of the Carribean star Orlando Bloom's Hollywood Hills digs according to People Magazine. The 18 year old starlet was sentenced to 6 months in county jail with 3 years probation and will begin her sentence on June 24th. Apparently Orlando Bloom's determination to make an appearance for in-court testimony was the swaying factor. Orlando Bloom claimed to have lost $500,000 worth of shit "pirated" [tee hee] from his home so if I lost that much loot I would be in court pointing fingers too. Neiers' attorney Jeffrey Rubenstein said "The weight of Bloom's testimony made us realize that the odds were stacked against us. We decided it was in Alexis's best interest for her to take responsibility for her limited role in this case and do her time. She's looking forward to moving on with her life." Her attorney is funny as hell. Orando Bloom was the deciding factor? Oh fucking please! How about the fact that she was caught on security surveillance cameras at a break-in? I think that carried a little more weight Jeffrey.
Most people have never heard of Alexis Neiers and neither care about her or Orlando Bloom especially since he has no career outside of Pirates of the Carribean and like the fool that he is opted to not do the latest Pirates movie and take the easy zillion dollar payday. But, this was part of the "Beverly Hills Bandits" or "Bling Ring" storyline carried on by TMZ and other news outlets about a band of young rich kids who were buglarizing celebrity homes like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel Bilson and Orlando Bloom and had allegedly stolen millions of dollars worth of loot. There just has to be movie in development about this somewhere.
I have to admit that I watched "Pretty Wild" and it is one of the best fucking shows on TV and the pics below prove it. It is basically about sexy 18 years old Alexis Neiers and her sexy sisters underage partying at 21 and over nightclubs, trying to continually hit on young famous male band member and actor dudes, giving their mother an ulcer with their "pretty wild" behavior, and oh yeah Alexis constantly proclaiming her innocence and saying how she was being unjustly railroaded for a crime she did not commit but obviously did. What made this show great was literally every single show had cameras on Alexis and her sisters dressing for parties or even court appearances so you saw their hot-as-fuck bodies in bra and panties in every episode and often even less with their naked tits barely blurred out for the cameras so you can really see their perfect mouthwatering teen tits pretty damned clearly. It was the closest to porn without actually being porn. Seriously, Alexis and her sisters have bangin' perfect bodies and I can't wait to see more when she gets out of the clink. She'll clear six figures easy with a Playboy shoot at will and that reality show will just keep on going. Given that celebrities generally serve a tiny fraction of their actual sentences (see Linday Lohan and Paris Hilton), I expect her 6 months jail sentence to actually be 6 weeks or less or actual behind bars time which should not even interfere with the next season's shooting schedule of her show which E! would have to be "pretty stupid" not to pick up.
Here is a YouTube clip of Alexis and her sister Tess Taylor modeling lingerie.
Picture of Alexis Neiers. She had to be hot. Her mother was Playboy Playmate Andrea Arlington.
Picture of Alexis' hot-as-fuck sister Tess Taylor who also stars on "Pretty Wild". And yes this was a Playboy shoot photo.
And by the way, remember when I said that their E! Entertainment show "Pretty Wild" showed these young teen girls practically topless with barely blurred out tits in every episode? Well see the show still below to see what I meant. The pic is Alexis' sister Tess Taylor. That "blur" covered nothing.
Oh and this is another Tess Taylor still from the show. They call this a blur job for TV? Also cheers to mom and dad for allowing this kind of footage to be filmed of their young daughters while at home for TV. Cheers also to the guy who does the blur job! Or lack of blur job.
And Tess' perfect tight ass here. Damn, it's just flawless! Thank goodness the shows' camera
man is a total perv (read: normal dude) to zoom in on that hot ass for TV. That beach-thong-ready-ass makes my mouth water. Could it be that somewhere some high school dudes are hi-fiving themselves because the lucky bastards actually tapped that?
The pics above show why "Pretty Wild" is one of the best shows on TV. I swear E! Entertainment execs you better renew this fucking show! You just can't hot naked chicks.
To celebrate love around the world, I have decided to provide a list of some great break-up letters for your amusement. If you just happen to be the person who wrote any of these or was dumped by someone via the break-up letters below, we feel your pain while simultaneously mocking you and taking notes for our next break-up.
"Dear Susan :
I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I
swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little
boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make
contact.
In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I
guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot
of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about
looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as
one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our
hurt. And this is what my heart says...
"There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts
of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two
weeks ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I
don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my
desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies
that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I
mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a
tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch
being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made
important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect
body mean?
Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see
what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a
better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd
never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just
growing up a little.
Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I
found myself thinking, "why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't
just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but
something else. Some ****ling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so
incomplete? And then it hit me.
It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do
you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Susan,
I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of
you.
Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met in Upper Side last year?
Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she
figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what
she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a
few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in
our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's
giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not
hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us.
And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's
old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we
can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too.
'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Susan ever put the mirror on
the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never
used it as a sex aid."
Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I
mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on
her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.
She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in
general. She’s pulling for us to get back together, Susan, She really
is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times.
Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is
think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just
about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole
anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured
you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness
between us.
But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby
sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan.
In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just
wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can.
If you feel the same please, please, please let me know, otherwise, can
The celebrity buzz is buzzing like hell now that plastic-faced funnyman Jim Carrey and Playboy Playmate of the Year turned autism activist Jenny McCarthy have announced their split via Twitter. This Twitter shit is amazing. Everytime the shit hits the fan with a celebrity, they always Tweet about it. The Associated Press is reporting that Jim Carrey, 48, twittered that he wishes her the best and McCarthy, 37, will keep Jim as a "leading man in her heart." Awwww how sweet. I wonder if the split has to do with how fucking crazy Jenny McCarthy has been in her autism activism often telling the world that vaccines cause autism although the medical community has repeatedly found such assertions to be without merit, i.e., McCarthy is full of shit. The beautiful model, author, comedian and activist of course does not hold a medical degree or any scientific qualifications of any kind made many such pronouncements which I am sure was much to the detriment of the foolish parents who followed her advice and did not get the proper immunization for their children. Amazing how a pretty face and fame trumps proven science in the minds of some Americans.
Anyway, don't feel sorry for Jenny McCarthy. Jim Carrey, showing his love to McCarthy back in 2007, allegedly set up a $50 million trust for her and her child. Talk about a golden parachute out of a relationship. That pussy must have been all that and then some. My exes never gave me cash. I just got a swift kick in the ass as I was tossed to the curb. For goodness sakes they were not even married! Jim is often a little too generous. He once gave his agent, manager and lawyer all Porsche convertibles. Somehow I have to weezle my way into this man's life. I have student loans to pay! My bet is that the both of them will be back together soon after banging a few people. They are both crazy as hell and I don't know who will put up with either one of their bullshit for very long.
The Smoking Gun reports on a Ohio man who allegely arranged to have sex with a prostitute in a White Castle restaurant restroom. Why a White Castle restroom? They lock of course! Everyone who has sex with prostitutes in White Castle restaurants knows that. Duh! Well the man, William Ferris, allegedly paid a prostitute $50 to have sex in said restroom. The prostitute allegedly gave him kissing and sucking but no vaginal sex which Ferris understood to be part of deal. Feeling that he was being ripped off and his money stolen because he did not get "all of it for $50", Ferris then called the police to say he had been robbed. Well when the story began to fall apart and it became apparent that Ferris was not robbed but was instead allegedly involved in a sex deal gone wrong, Ferris was charged with solicitation and making a false police report.
When involved in illegal activity, it may be a good idea not to call the police lest ye be arrested. For his wonton and reckless stupidity, William Ferris deserves our Dumbass of the Day award.
Neosould superstar Erykah Badu , a Dallas native, shocked the music world and the city of Dallas, Texas when she filed a music video on March 13, 2010 for her song "Window Seat." During the shoot for the video Erykah Badu walks through the public streets of Dallas and strips naked as she walks and then falls to the ground as if she was shot at the exact area where President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. Dallas police was not going to issue a fine as no one complained about the shoot but when the video was released a witness, Ida Espinosa, gave a sworn statement that she was offended by the video as she had her two young children with her when the filming was done. The Dallas Police Department will issue a $500 fine to Erykah Badu for disorderly conduct. As reported by TV Guide, the ticket will be issue to the songstress next week. The video for "Window Seat" can be seen here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/02/erykah-badu-nude-window-s_n_523980.html#postComment
For the record, not only do I think this song is cool but it makes Erykah Badu the coolest singer on the planet right now. We all have to support artist's, especially famous, talented and sexy ones, to get naked for their art. The sworn complainant Ida Espinosa should be slapped. If she was so offended, how come she did not complain to the police during the video shoot. She waited until after the video aired to complain. And that booty was bootylicious!! Seriously, this artist got naked for art and not the crass vajayjay shots young actresses like Britney Spears (NSFW pic here) give when they wear their short skirts and no panties while getting drunk and partying in Hollywood. I am personally offering my city, my block, and my home to Ms. Badu or any sexy artist to get nakes for their cause. Your fine nudity may not be welcome in Dallas, but your nudity, like a Visa card, is always accepted here.
