The CIA of celebrity sleeze, TMZ (bless their hearts), has reported that super sexy Heidi "Mega Mellons" Montag has a sex tape with her soon-to-be ex-husband and 10th degree Grand Master black belt of douchebaggery Spencer Pratt. TMZ is reporting Pratt is allegedly shopping the sex tape of himself and his lovely erection magnate wife Heidi to super porn producers Vivid Entertainment. Vivid has pretty much cornered the market on celebrity home porn sex tapes distributing such noted sex tapes such as Playboy model Kendra Wilkenson, Kim Kardashian and Montana Fishborne (daughter of now not so proud father Lawrence Fishborne) who said she wanted to follow into the famous for nothing sex tape footsteps of super hottie Kim Kardashian who in turn followed the sex tape footsteps of heiress Paris Hilton who in turn followed the sex tape footsteps of Pamela Anderson who in turn followed the sex tape footsteps of your mom - yeah she made one too. I remember when actors wanted to actually act and be famous for wining Oscars and Emmys and shit. Now young ladies aspire to be acting in home porn sucking D's and taking a cum shot to the face and be famous for being famous. Ahhh. America's silly youth.
I must admit I am conflicted because despite numerous plastic surgeries, Heidi "Mega Mellons" Montag is crazy fucking hot and her titacular DDD tits set the bar for Hollywood tits. The nocturnal emission queen has no doubt inspired thousands of teen boys to wake up to baby batter stained underoos. The bad, of course, is that she is doing the sex tape with epic douchebag Spencer Pratt who is the biggest DB in the history of Hollywood. That says something. He even had lovable "Today Show" personality Al Roker fired up to kick his ass. Spencer Pratt is such an asswipe that he has to hide every Christmas because even Santa has a hit out on this fool. Thus my dilemma. Watching one of sexiest women in Hollwood bang versus hurling from seeing Pratt's crayon invade that fetus funnel and spew baby batter all over those hot as fuck DDD's.
The other factor to consider in terms of buying this tape is that Spencer is the king of cheese. He actually got Playboy to pony up huge bucks for Heidi Montag to do a spread with no nudity at all. What an epic letdown. It was PG-13 all the way: no tits, no ass and no vajayjay. If you are too uptight to go nude as a celebrity, you pose for Maxim, everyone knows that. Hugh Hefner has lost my respect and now I am 100% sure they will go bankrutpt with dumb ass decisions like that. So I am not sure what we will get with a Heidi Montag DB Pratt sex tape. The "sex tape" could be like the two of them in bed reading from Penthouse Stories in pajamas or something.
So let you be the judge.
Heidi Montag's DDD's are insane. That body is out of control. It's all goodness - no, greatness! But what about that ass you may ask?
This body is just about perfect.
This was the sexiest Playboy shot she did as all the rest were lingerie shots. But all I got to say is Daaaaaammmnnnn!!!!! Baby has got an ass! She's got the tits, the face... That body is like a Super Walmart, it's got everything. But every time I see this hot pic, my mind wanders to Spencer Pratt tapping the hell of that crazy hot ass and it makes me angry. He has no right to be banging a woman this hot. God has to make it up to me and let me win the lottery or something otherwise I will have to prove I am a bigger DB to get hot ass like this and choke out defenseless bunnies or something.
Just to give you an image how turned on and repulsive you can get from seeing Heidi and Spencer together peep this photo below.
No, this is not the sex tape but it could turn out like this. Here Heidi is pre-DDD boob job using what appears to be massanger on Spencer's back. Hot chick & douchebag. Yin & Yang. Turn on / turn off. It's confusing.
Since Heidi has not released her sex tape yet, I have decided to provide a photo and link to a free look at the Kendra Wilkenson Sex Tape which runs around 10 minutes. This tape features hot as fuck Kendra banging a pudgy ugly kid with an acorn sized little dick.
Since we are talking about sex tapes, let's take a free quick look of 2 minutes of a good sex tape of Kim Kardashian being pounded out by Ray J (aka Brandy's brother). This is as good
Seriously, they can bang.
Just have to throw in one more picture of Kim Kardashian because she is one of the hottest women on the planet.
Alright...One more.
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