Want To Rise To Power? Peep These Definitive Check Lists Here!

After scouring the internet and books the world over, I have finally found the two most definitive lists to rise to power and be the person you have always wanted to be, the person you deserve to be. If you follow these lists, your global dominance begins now!

If you want to rise to power, you must be cool. See the definitive cool list below:

Once you have master the art of cool, you must acquire the elements of power to make sure you are on the right path to power and to make sure you are both nutritionally and sexually satisfied. Your definitive list here:

There you have it folks. If you follow these simple lists I am sure you will get your party's endorsement to run against Barack Obama in the 2012 elections. Good luck!

English Commuters Travel Naked To Promote New British TV Series

Well this fits into the "Now I've Seen Everything" category. Four people, two men and two women, traveled the London subway system known as the London Underground completely nude (well except for shoes) to promote a new English television series called "The Naked Office". It's about staff at struggling businesses trying to turn their company around much to the shock and amazement of local commuters. I get the "naked" part of the promotion but they are nowhere near the "office" but I like their enthusiam and I respect it.  I think the lazy American network public relations executives need to get off their collective asses and follow the English model. The English outlawed slavery 100 years before America did and now they are leading the way on using nudity to promote a TV series. Come America. Quit slacking!

Read the full story in the Mail Online here.

The look on the woman on the right in the first pic below is priceless. The fake "+2's" on the hot naked woman at the top left is also priceless. Damn she is hot!

Seeing two hot naked blondes boarding a subway never happens to me. Even though the chick on the right needs to tightening up those thighs it is still cool to see naked blondes.

Doesn't London have cops on their subway system? How in the hell did they get away with this?

This campaign effort could have been improved by leaving out the naked dudes and bringing in more chicks.

The New Miss USA Rima Fakih Also Won A Stripper Contest!!!

I think it is so funny that all these pageant contests try to make their contest winners out to be so damn wholesome then you find out they have this wild past that no one knew about except all the dudes they banged, drank with  and did drugs with at local nightclubs and bars. Well scandal has once again reared its glorious head again in connection with a beautity contest. The insanely beautiful Rima Fakih of Michigan was crowned Miss USA last night and became the first immigrant, the first Muslim-American and the first Arab American to win the title. The 23 year old stunner is also the first Miss USA to have won a stripper contest! Nice!

TMZ has been all over this story so it won't go away until it is announced that Miss Fakih will lose the crown or pagent officials, i.e. Donald Trump, decides she can keep it. Detroit radio station WQKI held a 2007 "Stripper 101" pole dancing contest and Miss USA Rima Fakih emerged victorious. When it comes to sex appeal this woman has got it down pat. Well at least we know she will have a promising career on the stripping circuit when she eventually has to give the crown up by either serving the 1 year tour of duty "under" Mr. Trump or having to give it up early (the title that is). Hey, star strippers on the pole tour can earn $10,000 a week and she would have an easy 6-figure Playboy payday assignment in any event so there is not real downside for Ms. Fakih even if she gets the boot.

Check out the wonderful pics of our new Miss USA winner below!

Look at how wholesome and beautiful she looks with new boss Donald Trump. Ahhhhhh!!!!

Good lord this woman has a bangin' ass body. Not an ounce of fat on that gloriously carved frame. But still manages to look ever so wholesome.

WTF!!! Oh snap! Our girl Miss USA is on the get down! Stripper shoes on - check. Legs spead wiiiide open - check. Straight up moving like a hoe - check. No wonder she won this pole dancing contest. I am just surprised she is not shooting ping pong balls out of her vajayjay.

Miss USA Rima Fakih is getting down! I thought Muslim women were supposed to be all demure and shit. If this is the way the modern Muslim woman behaves all I have to say is - Book me a plane to Iran asap!!! Brings on the burka bitches!

Our victorious pole dancing champ emerges victorious with the win and a bra stuffed full of cash! Nothin' says class better than having money coming out of your tits. What is she holding? All I can tell is that it has an image of a woman on a pole on it. Was that the trophy? Anyway, you go girl! Something tells me we just might be seeing this hottie in the Craigslist adult section very soon.

"Pretty Wild" Teens Alex Neiers & Tess Taylor Using Drugs?

I have to admit that I am absolutely fascinated with a reality star for the first time and its Alexis Neiers of the E! Entertainment Network's "Pretty Wild." I am fascinated that a hot sexy young woman who grows up in an affluent home with every possible advantage in life somehow fucks it all up for no good reason and I find it even sexier that she gets naked in every episode of her show. This week the 18 year old reality tv star was convicted in connection with the burglary of Pirates of the Carribean Star Orlando Bloom's home. Alexis was given 6 months in jail and 3 years probation. The title of the Alexis show on the E! Entertainment Network "Pretty Wild" appropriately describes the behavior of its star. The parents of Alexis must be proud that their underage daughter is partying at 21 and over nightclubs and dating dudes way older than her and burglarizing the homes of movie stars.

So given all of this it would not surprise anyone if the young girl with the "pretty wild" behavior was using drugs. Now I am not saying she uses drugs at all but the very cool internet website TheDirty.com is posting pictures of Alexis and her sister Tess Taylor in activity that may appear to be drug use but we don't actually know if she was doing anything illegal or immoral or if indeed this are real pics of the convicted Alexis Neiers and her playboy model sister Tess Taylor but the pics make great conversation and look pretty much identical to the images of Alexis and her sister but who knows the truth in the age of Photoshop. The pictures below are from TheDirty.com website. Judge for yourself.

This pic appears to look like a topless Tess Taylor in what appears to be the lighting of a bong. But who knows who this really is (even though you can can see what appears to be Tess' trademark cross tattoo on her hip) or what activity this really is. You be the judge.

The pic immediately above appears to be two people who look EXACTLY like Alexis Neiers and Tess Taylor in what may apear to be the lighting of bongs. But who knows what we are looking at, right? Again you be the judge.

Worst Love Letter Ever Written - Ever!!!!

Just had to post the Worst Love Letter Ever Written.  For all you love addicts out there, this one's for you! As a side note, this Julie chick sounds like quite the catch. I wonder how this douchebag ever hooked up with her.

_______________________________________________

Dear, Julie

Fuck, I fucking miss you. I miss you like the rain misses some kind of…fucking…I don’t know…some kind of fucking thing that misses another thing. And that first thing misses that second thing, like, really fucking bad and shit. I am that first thing. You are the second one of those two things. I think the first thing was rain.

Sometimes, at night, I wake up and I’m all like “FUUUUUCCK!!!!” because you’re not here with me. I mean, shit, you know? Like, the last time we hung out together and I got to batter your snatch with my nut-splatters. I just keep thinking about that and how we were fucking so hard and shit. You were all like, “Oh Oh Fuck me!” and I was all like, “Yeeeeeeeeaaaah!” That shit was dope. Word. Best Believe!

But what’s fucked up about that shit is that whenever I think about it, I get all, like, hurtful and shit. Like my heart, you know? Like my heart gets all gay and shit and it breaks. Can you believe that shit? See what you did to me, you bitch? You made me a fag and shit!! LOL!

But, nah. For real. Like, it’s weird, you know? I remember waaaay back when we were just like, kids and shit, remember? We used to just play and frolic in the neighborhood with the other, much more faggy children. They all sucked. But one thing I clearly remember from that time is that you did not suck. Your Suck to Not Suck ratios were clearly leaning in the direction of Not Suck. This is, as usual, assuming that I am using the word “ratio” properly. Also, “properly.” I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s a word that I didn’t just make up. If I did, spread that shit around and tell people it came from me.

But, yeah. We used to just be kids as we hung out together. We’d play on the monkey bars down the street at Cherry Park. We’d run after the ice cream man as his chiming melody triggered a pav…pav…Pavolovian (?) response in us that made us crave the tastiness of Mickey Mouse’s severed head on a stick. We used to pass funny notes to each other in Mrs. Hill’s class. Remember? Remember all that shit?

We were so sweet and innocent back then.

I have since seen you swallow every last drop of my cum and, literally, ask for more. Fuck, bro. I fucking love that shit. And I fucking love you for doing it.

Yes, that’s right, Julie. I said it. Not only do I love that you are totally willing to ingest every last drop of my seed and then put in a request for more, but I love you as well.

I Love You, Julie.

I love your hair. I love your eyes. I love the way your ass jiggles when you walk to the bathroom to douche your pussy after we bang like two enraged beavers fighting over a stick that we both want to use in the construction of our respective dams. Any one of those traits by themselves could get me harder than Wolverine’s adamantium-laced bones. Put them all together and my balls want to explode whenever you come in to the room. That shit is crazy. No lie. And I have no reason to lie when it comes to the matters of my cock expanding faster than the universe. And I mean that literally…well, not the expanding faster than the universe part. I have no way in telling if that is, in fact, a factual statement. I failed Astronomy twice yet I only remember taking it once. Anyway, I was being literal in the sense that you can literally tell that I am not lying when I say that I find you sexy because the proof is in the pudding. The pudding is my dick. And it gets fucking huge when I see you.

Also, I did not mean to imply that my dick may in anyway be made of pudding. That would be weird. Although, I would not object to you nicknaming my dick “The Butterscotch Stallion,” for it both gives you the sinful pleasures that you need; and it is kind of a dark, mucous-y yellow. Which, by the way, I am very happy you are not weirded out by. Most are.

Which brings me to the next reason for why I love you: you accept me for who I am. You understand that I’m not the sharpest tool in the place that the tools are kept until you need to use the tools again. You can look beyond my spiky hair, and sunglasses that I refuse to take off, and my totally sweet Ed Hardy T-shirt and just see a guy that wants to be held to the bosom of a lovely young lass that works at a totally rockin’ strip joint that paid to have her bosoms made in to Double-D bosoms, because (in her boss’s words) “You’ve got the face of an angel, but the tits of a malnourished baby.”

You accept that I’ve been unemployed for roughly 2 years. You accept that before there was a You and Me there was a Me and Your Sister, and before that a Me and Your Cousin Liza, and, for one night, there was a Me and Your Cousin Liza and somebody that may or may not have been a member of your family that is now dead from a disease that I was kind of worried that I contracted. (Don’t worry. I didn’t contract it. I found out the day after you and I fucked for the first time).

The point of all of this is simple, Julie. I love you. I really do. I may not be the best guy you can get, and I probably shouldn’t even be the guy you have right now, but I love you for that very reason. You captured my heart and mind at a time in my life when I truly felt no one would ever want me – a time when I figured that I would never find somebody to even give me the time of day. Being apart from you right now is killing me and I can’t wait until you return so I can hold you in my arms and just stare in to your eyes again. I can’t wait for that day, Julie. I can’t fucking wait.

XOXO

P.S. – Your butt; is that a hole you be interested in me jizzing inside of?

Sexy Teen Reality TV Star Alexis Neiers Sentenced In Orlando Bloom Break-In

E! Entertainment "Pretty Wild" reality TV star Alexis Neiers pleads no contest to breaking into Pirates of the Carribean star Orlando Bloom's Hollywood Hills digs according to People Magazine. The 18 year old starlet was sentenced to 6 months in county jail with 3 years probation and will begin her sentence on June 24th. Apparently Orlando Bloom's determination to make an appearance for in-court testimony was the swaying factor. Orlando Bloom claimed to have lost $500,000 worth of shit "pirated" [tee hee] from his home so if I lost that much loot I would be in court pointing fingers too. Neiers' attorney Jeffrey Rubenstein said "The weight of Bloom's testimony made us realize that the odds were stacked against us. We decided it was in Alexis's best interest for her to take responsibility for her limited role in this case and do her time. She's looking forward to moving on with her life." Her attorney is funny as hell. Orando Bloom was the deciding factor? Oh fucking please! How about the fact that she was caught on security surveillance cameras at a break-in? I think that carried a little more weight Jeffrey.

Most people have never heard of Alexis Neiers and neither care about her or Orlando Bloom especially since he has no career outside of Pirates of the Carribean and like the fool that he is opted to not do the latest Pirates movie and take the easy zillion dollar payday. But, this was part of the "Beverly Hills Bandits" or "Bling Ring" storyline carried on by TMZ and other news outlets about a band of young rich kids who were buglarizing celebrity homes like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel Bilson and Orlando Bloom and had allegedly stolen millions of dollars worth of loot. There just has to be movie in development about this somewhere.

I have to admit that I watched "Pretty Wild" and it  is one of the best fucking shows on TV and the pics below prove it. It is basically about sexy 18 years old Alexis Neiers and her sexy sisters underage partying at 21 and over nightclubs, trying to continually hit on young famous male band member and actor dudes, giving their mother an ulcer with their "pretty wild" behavior, and oh yeah  Alexis constantly proclaiming her innocence and saying how she was being unjustly railroaded for a crime she did not commit but obviously did. What made this show great was literally every single show had cameras on Alexis and her sisters dressing for parties or even court appearances so you saw their hot-as-fuck bodies in bra and panties in every episode and often even less with their naked tits barely blurred out for the cameras so you can really see their perfect mouthwatering teen tits pretty damned clearly. It was the closest to porn without actually being porn. Seriously, Alexis and her sisters have bangin' perfect bodies and I can't wait to see more when she gets out of the clink. She'll clear six figures easy with a Playboy shoot at will and that reality show will just keep on going. Given that celebrities generally serve a tiny fraction of their actual sentences (see Linday Lohan and Paris Hilton), I expect her 6 months jail sentence to actually be 6 weeks or less or actual behind bars time which should not even interfere with the next season's shooting schedule of her show which E! would have to be "pretty stupid" not to pick up.

Here is a YouTube clip of Alexis and her sister Tess Taylor modeling lingerie.

Picture of Alexis Neiers. She had to be hot. Her mother was Playboy Playmate Andrea Arlington.

Picture of Alexis' hot-as-fuck sister Tess Taylor who also stars on "Pretty Wild". And yes this was a Playboy shoot photo.

And by the way, remember when I said that their E! Entertainment show "Pretty  Wild" showed these young teen girls practically topless with barely blurred out tits in every episode? Well see the show still below to see what I meant. The pic is Alexis' sister Tess Taylor. That "blur" covered nothing.

 Oh and this is another Tess Taylor still from the show. They call this a blur job for TV? Also cheers to mom and dad for allowing this kind of footage to be filmed of their young daughters while at home for TV. Cheers also to the guy who does the blur job! Or lack of blur job.

And Tess' perfect tight ass here. Damn, it's just flawless! Thank goodness the shows' camera

man is a total perv (read: normal dude) to zoom in on that hot  ass for TV. That beach-thong-ready-ass makes my mouth water. Could it be that somewhere some high school dudes are hi-fiving themselves because the lucky bastards actually tapped that?

The pics above show why "Pretty Wild" is one of the best shows on TV. I swear E! Entertainment execs you better renew this fucking show! You just can't hot naked chicks.